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 The Dumped dot com articles
8 Valuable Tips On How To Survive a
Dumping
By Billy Baker
Unfortunately there is no magic formula
for surviving a dumping. However, to find someone you want to spend your
life with, you have to move on and plan a realistic time scale to move forward.
Dating tips are just that, as everyone is an individual, and what works for
one does not work for another. However there are fairly standard steps you
can devise to succeed. There is no reason that you have to spend the rest
of your life going out on your own, and eating solitary TV dinners.
1. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY
You may have been dropped, but it
may not be your fault. You may have a holistic approach to your emotional
life, but maybe your date did not. Even if you accept that the break up is
coming, it still hurts, it is traumatic. Age is not a great help here, it
is always difficult to accept rejection.
2. WALLOW AND GRIEVE FOR YOUR
LOSS
Accept the fact that the first couple
of days are the hardest mentally and that once you have survived that you
are on a roll to picking yourself up, and dusting yourself and getting back
into the fray. If you feel like bawling your eyes out, and eating buckets
of cookies, that's O. K. for a couple of days.
If you need to get help and support
from your friends then ask them to help. The most damaging thing that you
can do to your self esteem is to go back and contact your ex. That means
e- mail, text and telephone, try and let it go. You are trying to pick yourself
up to start again, there is no point in going back. You have to try and bury
it with dignity, and whatever you have to do to achieve that, then go for
it. If it means moping around, then mope. If it means having a makeover,
then do it.
3. BURY ANY EVIDENCE OF YOUR EX
Whilst you are feeling annoyed, angry
or disgruntled, and let down, destroy any painful reminders of your ex, such
as photos. Try not to listen to music that meant something to both of you,
it is OK to wallow in your grief, but do not rub salt in an open wound. This
does not mean that you will never listen to that music again, you may even
speak to your ex again, but give yourself an even money chance to heal
now.
4. MAKE A LIST
Where you have taken down the photographs
of your ex, replace it with a list. Draw up a list of the things, that really
annoyed you about your ex. No I don't believe you - there has to be something!,
if you are thinking he/she was perfect, you are idealizing him. The more
humorous this list is the better you will feel, give yourself a laugh even
if only through a veil of tears. Part of the pain of being dumped is that
it is something that is outside your control, you may accept that the
relationship was pear shaped, and maybe you wanted to end it, but being dumped
meant someone else did it to you. You will survive this, focus on the bad
things, and try and accept that you perhaps should have wanted out anyway.
There are occasions when you think that everything was hunky dorey, and it
comes a bolt out of the blue. That is tougher to accept, but accept it you
must.
Strange things happen in life, but
there is no way that you can make someone love you. The reasons people fall
in love are as diverse as the people who do it, but there is no way you can
make someone do so. If you have done this then attempt to learn a valuable
lesson, don't invest time in going down that road in the future.
 |
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5. SURVIVE THE FIRST WEEK
Right you have managed the first couple
of days and you are now thinking what next. Find the hope levels inside you,
underneath the layers we all have different hope levels. When Pandora opened
the box, all the evil in the world came out, but left inside the box was
hope. It is our ultimate defence that we believe that a situation will get
better. If you are struggling to find hope then dig down deeper. Hope stops
you wallowing in your own misery, if you need to mope, do it in the early
on, and then set a time limit. Wallowing for too long a period of time, makes
you feel worse, and reduces your self esteem. Set realistic time limits to
move on as fast as possible. Yes I know it hurts, we all know that because
it has happened to every single one of us at sometime or another. If you
still have a desperate need to wallow then say to yourself - yes I can every
day from say 3.00. P.M. - 3.30 P.M., but focus on getting your head back
together in the remaining times of the day. Force yourself to get out although
it may be the last thing on the planet that you feel like doing. Try exercising
during the week, and see how much better you feel afterwards.
6. PAMPER YOURSELF AND BOOST YOUR
CONFIDENCE
You have been through the mangle,
but don't let yourself be destroyed. Think about all the things that make
you a unique person, as well as the reasons why you deserve to be loved in
your own right. Everyone has the right to be loved, so don't lose the sight
of this fact. Have a manicure and a pedicure, go and get some retail therapy
and enjoy yourself. Even if you are a guy buy yourself something that you
have been wanting for ages. Go on treat yourself. Make yourself feel important
and valued as a person.
7. GET BACK IN THE DATING ARENA
After a month your psyche should be
starting to heal, think about your gaols, what do you want out of dating,
and make it happen.(at least in terms of dates rather than a long term
relationship.
8. ENJOY YOURSELF
Don't start taking dating too seriously,
it is meant to be fun not a sophisticated type of torture.
About the author:
Author Billy Baker - Billy writes
for and with DatingXLence which has even more helpful tips and pointers at
Relationships
& Online Dating, If this link is inactive, paste this one
into your browser datingxlence.com or for more news, articles
and tips see
Romance
Tips For Woman. If this link is inactive, paste this one into
your browser datingxlence-resources.com
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Dumped Articles
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The other day, I saw a television show with a very curious premise: They
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Larry King once asked Stephen Hawkin
if there was anything about the universe he didn't understand. Hawkin replied
"women". That little anecdote seems to be the foundation of all my relationships
(or lack there of). |
